fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
