Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Randomize
