It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Randomize
