you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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