I heard we made out
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
