We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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