I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
whose parrot is this?
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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