So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
