What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize