I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Randomize
