yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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