Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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