I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
