He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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