I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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