More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
