Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
