On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
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