This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
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