I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
