Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
