I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
