What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
