You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Randomize
