will power is for people who don't want to get laid
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
