Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
