I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
