i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
