next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Too much gin, very little bucket
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
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