I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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