sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Another day, another engagement, another cat
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
