I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
