There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
