id be glad to
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
