And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Walk of Shame today included voting.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
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