dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I FOUND THE LEGS
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
