it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize