We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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