She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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