I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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