I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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