Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
We have so much sex to catch up on
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
