I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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