too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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