I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
