Your face is a jimmy john
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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