Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
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