I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
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