I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Randomize
