Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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