I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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