they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
