how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
