do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
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