I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Randomize
