there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
