I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
