hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
