don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I'm like, not good at living.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
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