I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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