My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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