1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
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