Dual....:-)
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
