she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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