you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Randomize
