Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
