it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
