He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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