He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Of course I have a pirate flag
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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