I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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