how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
