well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
