if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
