And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize